Bitter Butcher won't shake the Hand of God

I thought it was great when former England meathead Terry Butcher returned to Scotland to become assistant coach of the national team. But not because I care about the fortunes of said national team (I don't), nor because I think there's even the remotest chance that Butcher will be a passable assistant coach (I don't).

I just thought the foolish old git would be punting out his inane crap a) behind closed doors and b) north of the border. No longer would my radio waves be subjected to Butcherference.

22 years ago (that's over two decades, for reference), England were knocked out of the World Cup quarter final in Mexico by Argentina, thanks to two goals - of varying genius and legality - from one Diego Armando Maradona. Terry Butcher, not being one to hold a grudge, has showed what a wise old dude he is by stating, in the run up to Maradona's debut as Argentina boss against Scotland, that he won't be shaking Maradona's hand because he still hasn't forgiven him.

For his part, Maradona doesn't really appear to give a toss - and rightly so.

"I was selected for the drugs test with Gary Stevens and Kenny Sansom and ended up in the room with Maradona and two of his pals," recalled Butcher. "Our World Cup was over and they were celebrating."

"It could have been a war-zone in there but it wasn't. I wasn't next to him, if I was I might have done something...I think I'm 4-1 to get a red card in the tunnel - it would be the fist of Terry Butcher rather than the hand."

What a pleasant individual - and while we're at it, how could the Argies celebrate?! How disgraceful of them.

Terry Butcher, wind your neck in. We already know you're lacking a little bit up top thanks to your awful performances on the radio. But this makes you look utterly childish. Besides which, you're talking about the greatest player in the history of the game. Have some respect.

What do you think about this situation? Should Butcher shake Maradona's hand? Should he forgive and/or forget?

(Photo Credits: BBC Sport)

Adidas and Chelsea FC launch 'Blue Pitches'

The grass-roots sport scene in west and south west London found itself with that little bit more support on Friday, with the launch of Blue Pitches, an initiative from Chelsea Football Club and its kit supplier, Adidas. Many thanks to them for the press release.

The scheme was launched at Battersea Park School in Wandsworth, with Chelsea boss Luiz Felipe Scolari, chief blazer Peter Kenyon, Frank Lampard and Michael Ballack present. There will be four pitches (like the one shown above), with Earlsfield and Eel Brook Common (both due today) following the opening of Wandsworth and World's End.

As a resident of the Garratt Lane area, I pass the Henry Prince Estate almost every day - so they really are building a Blue Pitch on my doorstep.

The aim of the pitches, which can incorporate tennis and basketball as well as football, is to get local kids involved in grass-roots sport. Primary use will fall to the club's community coaches, but will be free for the local community to use. Of course, there's an element of tackling knife/gun/drug culture and anti-social behaviour, and Adidas and Chelsea should be commended for a nice bit of work to that end.

As a sociologist by geekdom, this kind of thing is really important in my mind. I'm a staunch defender of football, and I'd be the first to argue that it should not bear the weight of social ills alone. But the fact is football is big enough and ugly enough to do plenty of good when it puts its mind to it, and it's always re-assuring when it does so.

The sheer size and financial weight of Chelsea Football Club means it, above almost any other, is capable of doing some real good in London's communities. Blue Pitches is a superb step forward, combining good intentions, excellent facilities and a velcro-esque gimmick.

Of course, what really matters is what Chelsea and Adidas do from here on in - and even then there's the wider question of whether even football is big enough to make a telling difference. Don't get me wrong, the country isn't in the state some would have you believe, but there are kids out there who need a real lift. Giving them the facilities to stay entertained and occupied might just keep a few on the rails who would otherwise have looked elsewhere.

However it turns out, Blue Pitches is an admirable attempt and well worth a mention. In the meantime, I might just have a mooch down to the Henry Prince to have a quick look-see for myself.

Football Twilights #1

Comment on the weekend's football action, courtesy of the good people on the twofootedtackle Twitter stream.

What was your highlight?

@litmanlive Titus "Calamity" Bramble getting a last minute equaliser at his former club. I should have put money on that. Yours ?

@markcrosby TNS scoring in dying seconds to get 3 points. Llanelli and Rhyl drop points to make it tight at the top.

@chrisoakley Has to be Herelho Gomes spilling the ball lamely into the Spurs net against Fulham. More of which later... :)

@talleddie Surely the Wolves keeping up their remarkable run! That, and the performance of my fantasy team!

PremWatch 17th November 2008

An almost-traditional weekend of Premier League football saw eight out of the 10 fixtures kick off on Saturday, many at 3pm. Just like the old days, no? Here's what went down.

Liverpool kicked the weekend's action off with a comfortable-looking 2-0 win away at Bolton Wanderers. The scousers were not made to pay for abysmal finishing by Robbie Keane, their blushes spared by Dirk Kuyt and Steven Gerrard. Gary Cahill had a goal ruled out for Wanderers, the referee disallowing it because Kevin Nolan impeded Reds goalkeeper Pepe Reina. Reina fouled Nolan first, but hey ho.

Things are not going to plan for Arsene Wenger at the Emirates. His Arsenal side followed their impressive win over Manchester United by losing 2-0 to Aston Villa. Ashley Young missed a penalty in the first half, but an own goal from Gael Clichy and a controversial cracker from Gabriel Agbonlahor sealed the points for Martin O'Neill's men.

Chris Samba put Blackburn Rovers ahead in their home match against Sunderland (Roy Keane was there) with a strong header on half time. Sunderland roared back with goals from Kenwynne Jones and Djibril Cisse to continue Rovers' awful run.

Heurelho Gomes continued his attempts to become the worst goalkeeper of all time with another absolute stinker against Fulham. The Tottenham Hotspur goalkeeper spooned the ball into the net from a Simon Davies cross before Andy "Andrew" Johnson made it two. Fraizer Campbell tucked in a tidy consolation for Spurs, but Harry Redknapp was left ruing...being Harry Redknapp.

Manchester United dismantled Stoke City at Old Trafford, winning 5-0. Thomas Sorensen failed to deal with a simple save from a Cristiano Ronaldo free kick. The winger later added the fifth from another dead ball. Michael Carrick cracked in the second and Dimitar Berbatov the third, before teenager Danny Wellbeck launched a 30-yard rocket into Sorensen's top corner to make it four.

Ryan Taylor's clever strike put Wigan Athletic in front at Newcastle United, but referee Andre Marriner did his best to swing the game in favour of everyone's "favourite" team. His disgraceful sending off of Emerson Boyce is exactly why referees are in no position to ask for Respect, and enabled Newcastle to get a grip on the game. Michael Owen scored a tap-in, before Oba Martins put United ahead with a thunderbolt on 87. Hilariously, Joe "Fu" Kinnear's side threw it away from a set piece, former Magpie Titus Bramble loving his celebration.

West Ham United faced off against Portsmouth. Jermain Defoe was booed. Nothing else happened.

In the evening kick off, Chelsea demolished West Bromwich Albion. Jose Bosingwa scored the first with a staggering left-footed shot. Nic Anelka grabbed two, both deftly finished, to keep Chelsea in touch at the top.

Sunday played host to two games. Gary O'Neil neatly tucked in Middlesbrough's opener at Goodison Park, but former Boro man Yakubu equalised for Everton, keeping David Moyes' side in the hunt for Europe.

It was another exciting afternoon in the life of a Hull City supporter. City went ahead against Manchester City through Daniel Cousin, before a brace from the excellent Stephen Ireland turned the game on its head. But there was, of course, a twist. A free kick from former Man City man Geovanni levelled for Hull on the hour mark.

All of which means that Chelsea still lead from Liverpool, with Manchester United in third and Arsenal fourth. Aston Villa are fifth, level on points with the Gunners. West Bromwich Albion, Tottenham Hotspur and Blackburn Rovers make up the bottom three.

(Photo Credits: BBC Sport)

Quick Hits 14th November 2008

I've read some things today. Here be a few of them:

• Keane's going nowhere (Sunderland Echo)
• Taking the piss out of the FA Cup (twohundredpercent)
• Drogba charged (Guardian.co.uk)
• Megson miraculously talks out of rectum (BBC Sport)
• Mourinho dumps Adriano and Quaresma (Football Italia)

Ishmel Demontagnac v Craig Gardner

One of the biggest sources of discontent among football supporters is watching a bunch of kids who have it all - the pick of orange slags, the best cars, and a talent we'd all die to have - throw it all away through stupidity and lack of discipline. The most serious recent case is that of former Plymouth Argyle goalkeeper Luke McCormick, who killed two young boys while driving drunk on the M6. He's currently in clink.

But the West Midlands is seeing a direct comparison between good and bad, wise and stupid, admirable and bloody hideous. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Ishmel Demontagnac, and Craig Gardner.

Demontagnac was sacked by Walsall today. The 20-year-old winger, no stranger to 'lapses' in discipline on the field, also appears to have become a close friend of West Midlands Police off it. He was arrested over the weekend in what Walsall gaffer Jimmy Mullen called "the culmination of several serious incidents". The arrest was for a suspected breach of the peace, whatever that means.

Mullen clearly believes Demongagnac is a supreme talent, but that his personality will prevent him from succeeding. I have it on good authority that the lad was on his final written warning. It's an intriguing story, of that there is no doubt.

By comparison, Aston Villa's England under-21 midfielder (well, England under-21 full back) Craig Gardner has been in receipt of praise in the local press for loyalty to his boyhood Sunday league club, Arden Forest.

I'll let the excellent Lisa Smith tell the story:

"Gardner was just 14 when he first joined Sheldon-based outfit Arden Forest where he played for one season before catching the eye, first of a Birmingham City scout, and then Aston Villa where he now plies his trade in the Barclays Premier League.

"But the England Under-21 star has never forgotten the Sunday side who set him on his way and is a regular visitor back to his roots – his grassroots that is – to cheer on the current crop of future stars.

"Now Gardner, who was born and bred in Yardley, has kitted out the majority of the 14 teams who cater for boys and girls aged from Under 7 to Under 16 with £4,000 of new strips or training tops."

There are plenty of good eggs in football, and Gardner is undoubtedly one of them. It's just a shame we don't see more, and that, with idiots like Demontagnac knocking around, footballers are increasingly seen as the enemy of society.

Any other examples of decent characters at your club?

(Photo Credits: Birmingham Mail, Walsall FC)

Blueprint for Better Refereeing, Part 3

In the two previous posts on this subject, I've looked at the problems with refereeing in English football (particularly the Premier League), and a bunch of possible solutions. The culmination of this was the proposal that the review system be revolutionised, replacing today's process with a full-time panel and new reviewing methods.

Currently, referees are assessed each game and given a score out of 100. But I'm sure you'll agree that's not the whole story. The referees' old boys' network is becoming more and more obvious, the Respect campaign is a farce and the authorities seem increasingly willing to hang their 'colleagues' out to dry for mistakes they should be equipped against making.

So how should the new review and assessment process work? Truthfully, it's probably not far removed from the current method, only it's more in depth and fair.

Firstly, every minute of every game would be watched not just by one assessor, but by the full panel. The panel would provide a General Performance Assessment, a qualitative passage about the referee's showing on any given afternoon. This section would cover the officials' handling of the match, style, positioning etc.

Further, the panel would give a Key Decision Assessment. I gather this is already included in assessment of referees' but the collaborative input of a panel should improve the verdicts. Every red and yellow card decision, plus every decision for two passages of play prior to each goal.

But here's the new bit: referees would be hooked up to a microphone and recorded for the entire match. They would not be heard by the supporters or television viewers, but only by the assessors. Refs should be encouraged (not obliged, encouraged) to explain each decision immediately. The tape would be played alongside the video in the assessment office.

This would eradicate any confusion (or, more to the point, lying - *cough* HALSEY *cough*) about how or why decisions are reached. It's all in the spirit of openness, an openness which should be matched by the panel in their response to each refereeing performance.

Quality garners Respect. Perhaps the FA should have thought of that this summer.