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Continuing twofootedtackle’s My Favourite XI feature is pod regular and Spurs uberfan Theo Delaney. His day job involves hanging out with the stars and shooting the odd commercial or two, so expect a few anecdotes and name-dropping. Theo’s favourite XI is best enjoyed with a fine whisky or wine.

Previous Favourite XI: Chris Mann
Next Favourite XI: Jonathan Blezard

Goalkeeper: Peter Schmeichel (Retired: Ex-Brondby, Manchester United, Sporting Lisbon, Aston Villa and Manchester City)

I make TV commercials and in the late 90s I was asked to make some Danepak ads featuring the best goalkeeper in the world, Peter Schmeichel, singing gaily about the product in fancy dress. Well I was never going to say no to that was I? But Peter had one or two stipulations before he’d agree to do it. He wanted to film in his native Denmark, and he wanted to be transported there and back on a private jet. So off we all went to Aarhus where the great man mimed absurd paeans to bacon surrounded by Denmark’s top models. But the best thing was he gave me a lift back to Blighty on his Lear jet.

Defender: Viv Anderson (Retired: Ex-Nottingham Forest, Arsenal, Manchester United, Sheffield Wednesday)

Despite no natural flair whatsoever, when I was in the four year of primary school I made the school team. I was so desperate to get in that I’d played the official trial like Wilson Palacios on half a ton of devil’s dandruff and I had rightly calculated that there would be few applicants for the unglamorous full back positions. Once I’d convinced the gaffer I was a specialist right back he inked me in.

At the time, the best right back in the country was Viv Anderson of Cloughie’s Nottingham Forest and England. I modelled myself on him. He was both majestic and rock hard. I was neither.

Defender: Gary Mabbutt (Retired: Ex-Bristol Rovers and Tottenham Hotspur)

Mabbsy was the most consistent footballer I have ever watched. Week in week out he simply made no mistakes. And he was Mr Tottenham. I met him a few years ago when we made a series of films to celebrate Tottenham’s 125th anniversary. He was compelling and articulate and – strictly off the record – astonishingly revelatory on the crazy goings on during the Christian Gross reign. I remain in awe.

Defender: Phil Beal (Retired: Ex-Tottenham Hotspur, Brighton, Los Angeles Aztecs, Memphis Rogues)

When I was six I asked for a Spurs shirt for my birthday. My favourite player was centre forward Martin Chivers so, as well as the lilywhite shirt, my Dad bought a number nine for my Mum to sew on the back. Unfortunately she applied it upside down and I spent the next couple of years running around the park imagining myself as the less celebrated Phil Beal.

Phil Beal was good. Just less celebrated.

Defender: Kyle Walker (Aston Villa, on loan from Tottenham Hotspur)

No team should be without a bit of youthful zest and the prodigiously promising Kyle Walker provides mine. Super quick and technically excellent, this paragon of professionalism is currently perfecting himself at Aston Villa ready to take his place as a Tottenham and England regular from next season. He is a great source of comfort.

Midfield: Glenn Hoddle (Retired: Ex-Tottenham Hotspur, Monaco, Swindon Town and Chelsea)

Glenn Hoddle is God. That’s what I used to write on my school exercise books. And the desks. And the walls. I completely idolised him. Only Elvis Costello has been subjected to as much of my devotion. There’s no point in describing how good he was because everyone already knows and in any case there are no words up to the task.

Midfield: Paul Gascoigne (Retired: Ex-Newcastle United, Tottenham Hotspur, Lazio, Rangers, Middlesbrough, Everton)

I once watched Gazza at White Hart Lane getting more and more agitated in the middle of the pitch as Spurs indulged in a bit of keep-ball. Suddenly, he snapped. He dispossessed a teammate, went past two defenders, played a quick one two and scored. Just because he was bored.

Midfield: Nayim (Retired: Ex-Barcelona, Tottenham Hotspur, Real Zaragoza, Logrones)

Nayim was often mediocre but occasionally magnificent. In 1994 I went to Maine Road to see him score an amazing hat-trick to knock Man City out of the FA Cup, sparking an old-fashioned pitch invasion - police horses, the lot.

But it was in a Real Zaragoza shirt that he cemented his status as a Tottenham legend. On 10 May 1995 he sent a lob from the half way line of the Parc des Princes in Paris over the head of David Seaman and into the Arsenal net to snatch the European Cup Winners Cup in the dying seconds of extra time. I’m laughing as I write this now. Ecstasy.

Forward: Stan Bowles (Retired: Ex-Manchester City, Bury, Crewe, Carlisle, QPR, Nottingham Forest, Leyton Orient, Brentford)

My uncle had season tickets at Loftus Road in the mid-seventies when QPR were seriously good and he’d often take me along. At that time there wasn’t a better player in the country than Stan Bowles but his fondness of a bet and his lack of patience with the conventions of football club discipline meant his achievements never matched his colossal talent.

For a comprehensive account of his madcap career read the side-splitting autobiography Stan The Man, which includes a memorable account of his appearance on the BBC’s Superstars. After tuning up late and hungover, he belly-flopped into the pool for the swimming event before remembering that he couldn’t actually swim. A genius.

Forward: Marcus Stewart (Exeter City)

Days after the birth of my first child in 2000, I went to Wembley with my father-in-law, a lifelong Ipswich fan, to witness the Tractor Boys play-off victory over Barnsley that took them into the Premiership. This meant I was faced with the alarming prospect of regular weekend stays in Suffolk sitting in the house with the women and children while the old boy went off to Portman Road to watch top-flight football. So, despite already having a Spurs season ticket, I took the precaution of getting an Ipswich one too.

It was a good decision. George Burley had them knocking the ball around like the Bobby Robson sides of the 70s and 80s and they surprised everyone by easily qualifying for Europe. The star of the show was Marcus Stewart who, already in his late twenties, had never before played at the top level. Not just a prolific scorer he had a deft touch and extraordinary vision. He was like a low-profile Teddy Sheringham.

Striker: Giuseppe Signori (Retired: Ex-Leffe, Piacenza, Foggia, Lazio, Sampdoria, Bologna)

In the early 90s I did quite a bit of work in Italy and, because I had Lazio-supporting cousins in Rome, I spent many a Sunday at the Stadio Olympico cheering on the Biancocelesti. It was a formidable team with star imports like Karl Heinz Riedle, Thomas Doll and Aron Winter but my favourite players were the aforementioned Gazza and the Italian striker Guiseppe ‘Beppe’ Signori.

Shockingly quick and diabolically clever, he scored an outrageous 107 goals in 152 appearances for Lazio in a land where defences are miserly. He remained on the bench throughout the 1994 World Cup Final in Los Angeles and I spent much of the time screaming from the stands for his introduction. If they’d brought Beppe on it would never have gone to penalties.

Substitutes

Tony Parks (Retired: Ex-Tottenham Hotspur, Brentford, Falkirk and others)

Tottenham’s regular reserve keeper of the 80s, Parks saved the penalty in the shoot out that won Spurs their last European trophy, the 1984 UEFA Cup, at White Hart Lane – one of the great moments in history. But that’s not all. He was later credited with curing Heurelho Gomes’ collywobbles when Harry Redknapp shrewdly brought him in as goalkeeping coach. (Also a personal friend of a very nice woman who cut my hair at Jack’s of Old Compton Street the other week.)

Nathan Bunce (Retired)

Not the nasty farmer of the same name in Roald Dahl’s Fantastic Mr Fox, but a non-league journeyman who turned out for Maidenhead, Canvey Island, Ebbsfleet, Havant & Waterlooville, Stevenage and Farnborough. He was playing for Hayes when I cast him in a slightly surreal Opel campaign where, among other things, he had to play a lot of keepy-uppy. It left me in no doubt that even a Conference-level stopper had infinitely more touch and skill than mere mortals like myself. Good bloke.

Micky Horswill (Retired: Ex-Sunderland, Manchester City, Plymouth Argyle, Hull City)

Every cup final between ‘71 and ‘91 is etched on my consciousness. (Except ’87, which I had removed by keyhole surgery). 1973 was one of the greats. Second division Sunderland - I had literally never heard of Sunderland before that cup run - beat Leeds, the best team in the land. I was mesmerised throughout as the superstars in white vainly bombarded the Rokerites goal. Most remember the heroics of goalkeeper Jim Montgomery but it was the desperate tackles, blocks and lunges of hyperactive defender Micky Horswill that remain most vivid for me.

David Ginola (Retired: Ex-Toulon, Racing Club Paris, Brest, Paris Saint-Germain, Newcastle, Tottenham Hotspur, Aston Villa)

Like Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, Ginola was just too good. In the 98/99 season, when he won both Footballer Of The Year awards, there wasn’t a better player in the world. Trouble is he was playing in a so-so Premiership side at White Hart Lane. All his teammates could do was give him the ball and watch.

Andy McCulloch (Retired: Ex-QPR, Cardiff, Oxford, Brentford, Sheffield Wednesday, Crystal Palace, Aldershot)

I grew up in West London and for six years resided on a shiny new council estate adjacent to Griffin Park. So I watched Brentford a lot at 30p a game. (If we didn’t have 30p we took the lift to the top of a nearby tower block where we could get a bird’s eye view of two thirds of the pitch for nothing).

The idol of every Bees fan was the big, scary and prolific Andy McCulloch, the quintessential centre forward. Went on to greater things at Sheffield Wednesday.

Manager

Bill Nicholson. The greatest football man there ever was.

Tags: Andy McCulloch, Bill Nicholson, David Ginola, Gary Mabbutt, Giuseppe Signori, Glenn Hoddle, Kyle Walker, Marcus Stewart, Micky Horswill, Nathan Bunce, Nayim, Peter Schmeichel, Phil Beal, Stan Bowles, Tony Parks, Viv Anderson