Who wants Michael Owen?

Only a fool would write off Newcastle United's chances of Premier League survival at this stage, given that they're certain to bag three points from a trip to Aston Villa on the final day. But whichever side of that dreaded dotted line Newcastle finish on, one thing's for sure: Michael Owen's off.

The 29-year-old striker has had a strange career. He started young, but his progression from Liverpool, through a prolific but unsuccessful spell at Real Madrid, to Newcastle, has been punctuated by injury problems and extracurricular difficulties.

Given his injury problems, it's difficult to think of clubs who'd take the risk on him. But there will be a few sniffing around, particularly if Newcastle fail to avoid the drop. Give or take some recovery time, Michael Owen scores when Michael Owen plays. I can think of more than a handful of sides that need that kind of firepower.

The issues many of those clubs would have are obvious: Owen is a thoroughly unlikeable character (check out his competitive streak) who would cost a bundle and demand wages far in excess of the value gained from his few playing minutes. Sadly for Owen, the only club that signs players like that is Newcastle United, and I doubt he'll be moving there anytime soon.

So which clubs might fancy a bit of the Babyfaced Assassin?

Far be it from me to start close to home, but I wouldn't be surprised if Aston Villa boss Martin O'Neill had a word. With Gabriel Agbonlahor still prone to lengthy barren spells and John Carew increasingly struggling with injury, Villa need goals from somewhere. Even with Carew and Agbonlahor fit, Villa's downfall in the final third is that they're not clinical enough. Owen is a goalscorer. He plays well with Emile Heskey, too.

I've also heard tell of a move to Merseyside, and in my opinion both Liverpool and Everton might have a look. Mad Rafa has been known to make strange sentimental signings, none more baffling than Robbie Fowler. But Tricky Mickey might just be a decent foil for the brilliant Fernando Torres, taking the burden away from Steven Gerrard. That said, if Liverpool are to be in a title battle again next term, they'll need better than Owen.

Everton's striking problems have been well documented this season. Injuries to Louis Saha, Victor Anichebe, Yakubu and James Vaughan are unlikely to go unrepeated, and David Moyes could do worse than getting rid of Saha and the promising-but-prone Vaughan and bringing in childhood Toffee Owen to play with Anichebe or Yakubu. That's assuming, of course, Everton don't find the cash to purchase Jo.

I would imagine that Manchester City will be sniffing around and, judging by (my impression of) Owen's motivations, would be his first choice. However, if City are to spend the kind of money Owen would demand, they'd be better off chucking £80m away on someone younger, fitter and better. And they'll know that.

And finally, here's a wildcard: Tottenham Hotspur. It might sound unlikely given Spurs' wealth of maybe-maybenot strikers, but you can never put anything past Harry Redknapp. Harry's [removed by our lawyers] means he likes a transfer or two, but there are footballing reasons too. Redknapp likes to mix speculative foreign signings with experienced players and Owen fits the bill. I also suspect Redknapp might want rid of Darren Bent, who will need replacing.

Owen probably thinks he'll be getting a move to a top four club, but he won't. He's not good enough anymore, and they won't be willing to pay big money for him. Methinks Mr Owen's going to have to swallow his pride.