Keep the Old Firm out of the Premier League

I find the idea of Rangers and Celtic joining the Premier League repulsive. I can't put it any more eloquently than that. It would be, sadly, the final straw for me as a Premier League supporter. Bolton Wanderers chairman Phil Gartside has drawn up plans for a two-tier Premier League of 36 clubs, and the expansion of the Premier League is bad enough. But to invite two clubs from another country on some flimsy grounds is just bullshit.

Here's why.

Nationality

Rangers and Celtic are not English. They're Scottish. I know it's a basic argument, but it's one that matters to me. As a football fanatic, I believe every country should have its own league structure. It's culturally vital. Obviously, Cardiff City, Swansea City and Wrexham are Welsh clubs in the English leagues. Berwick Rangers are in a similar situation.

But these were decisions made in a different time, and quite frankly I wouldn't have been in favour then either. They're here now, and more power to their elbows. But their presence shouldn't be used as an excuse to allow two Scottish clubs in just because they're financially powerful.

The colour of money

And if you hadn't heard, there is a league pyramid in this country. If, for some stupid reason, we welcomed the two Glasgow clubs into our structure, they should damn well start at the bottom. They won't, of course - they'll buy their way in. To me, that is unacceptable and demonstrates everything about football that makes me sick up in my mouth a little bit.

If Rangers and Celtic join the Premier League in any form, the devil will be laughing his tits off at us all for letting it happen while he gorges on football's soul. We all know football is driven by money, but selling Premier League spots to foreign teams is a step even the most blindly loyal of us should find revolting.

Scottish football

And what of the leagues left behind? Scottish football may not be at the front of our minds much of the time, but it deserves more respect than this. Skimming the two best teams off a league system can only be damaging. It shows contempt for the rest of the teams, and will have a tangible effect on the quality of the league two.

Granted, it may make the leagues more competitive. But for how long? How long until Aberdeen and Hearts, for example, dominate Scottish football?

Where is the line?

Regular readers will know that I'm prone to stargazing in these situations, and often ask 'where is the line?'. If it's possible to buy a place in the Premier League, do we start letting French teams in too? How about Germans, in that case? And Dutch? As I've stated already, football is so culturally and politically important that countries must not be stripped of it by greedy clubs.

There's also the question of how far the Scottish inductees continue. What happens when Celtic and Rangers being absent leads to someone else dominating for decades? Do we then absorb them into the English leagues too? Call me cynical, but that's a dangerous precedent for all involved - except the greedy bastards at the top, of course.

FIFA sovereignty

As soon as we start inviting foreign teams into our leagues, we'd expect FIFA and UEFA to kick off. Surprisingly, UEFA appear to have already given the extension of an invite to the Glaswegians the green light. But FIFA won't be such an easy nut to crack, and they might well counter the whole shebang with the argument that if our leagues are merged and our Olympic team united, isn't it time the home nations became one within FIFA?

Without wishing to sound xenophobic, I see the Welsh, Scottish and Northern Irish as 'foreign' when it comes to football. Some English fans might disagree, I'm damn sure fans of the other nations won't. As a result, I don't want to lose England - that's yet another reason why I'll oppose this proposal all the way.

Extracurricular 'activities'

Of course, Rangers and Celtic have a fair amount of baggage, and I don't want it in the Premier League. I'll get a slating for this, but the sectarian shite which must be tolerated by the two clubs' normal fans is a total disgrace and has no place in football.

With that in mind, why the hell would we want to import it into the Premier League? Oh, silly me - money.

Super League

Once again, I find myself writing about a proposal whose confirmation would see me packing in the Premier League altogether. I've long said I wouldn't exactly be heartbroken if the self-appointed 'big clubs' buggered off to do their own thing, i.e. the European Super League they're so keen to pursue. But I don't want it to replace the league I follow.

So here's that infamous threat again: if this happens, I'm going to sack off the Premier League and watching Tooting every week. It's more fulfilling anyway.